She KNows
Imagine this
a chrysalis
silence is bliss
I am not there yet
a memory of darkness
silent footsteps
a shadow slipped
there's nothing left
where are you now?
you tore my world apart
dazzled by sky lights
but suffocated in paralysis
in my night blindness
I was taken and left
opened like the skies
I widened horizons
and exceeded expectations beyond conditions
opened like a wound
I bled with urgency
then clotted over memory
where am I?
the teeter totter
then the laundry room
I want to die
did I die too soon?
and what did eye become
you looked behind my I..
touched an optic nerve
ripped the womb
and I was born too soon
I have become detached
a perfect silent sentinel
I can't even remember hell
because heaven's here
in this egg pile where I hatched
and yet I stand tall
like a cater pillar
finally rise to the baseline
turned my back on the sacrifcial altar
let me be drawn to the light
and shatter through the filters
sent from above
she comes as I willed her
you see, she knows..
Tool - Prison Sex lyrics
It took so long to remember just what happened.
I was so young and vestal then,
you know it hurt me,
but I'm breathing so I guess I'm still alive
even if signs seem to tell me otherwise.
I've got my hands bound,
my head down, my eyes closed,
and my throat wide open.
Do unto others, what has been done to me,
Do unto others, what has been done to you?
I'm treading water,
I need to sleep a while.
My lamb and martyr, you look so precious.
Won't you come on up closer,
close enough so I can smell you.
I need you to feel this,
I can't stand to burn too long.
Release in sodomy.
Oh, for one sweet moment I am whole.
Do unto you now, what has been done to me,
Do unto you now, what has been done?
You're breathing so I guess you're still alive
even if signs seem to tell me otherwise.
Won't you come on a bit closer,
close enough so I can smell you.
I need you to feel this.
I need this to make me whole.
Release in sodomy.
For I am your witness and
blood and flesh can be trusted.
And only this one holy medium brings me peace of mind.
Got your hands bound, your head down,
your eyes closed.
You look so precious now.
( Show me something
Thought I could make it end
Thought I could wash the stains away
Thought I could break the circle if I
Slipped right into your skin
So sweet was your surrender
We have become one
I have become my terror
And you my precious lamb and martyr.) *
I have found some kind of temporary sanity in this
shit, blood, and cum on my hands.
I've...come...round...full circle.
My lamb and martyr, this will be over, soon.
You look so precious.
You look so precious, now,
You look so precious...
1 comment:
Well, I must say your choice to blog about Tool’s “Prison Sex” comes as no surprise from an individual, such as yourself, who has amassed a broad and unique knowledge of music and music videos. I, on the other hand, had never seen this music video, but upon seeing it immediately understood its theme. As I played the video, I seemed to subconsciously contrast it to what had been shown to me some time ago. It was a music video by Tori Amos and seemed to express the little earthquakes that happen in the sexually abused.
The Tool video was powerful in that there is a huge undercurrent of implicated silence…. Similar to a collective societal vibe, as well as a personal and interpersonal one… Don’t Talk About It. And if you do, don’t speak the truth in any raw form, Try to forget it, Disassociate your self from it all. God forbid if you make anyone queasy about it. The video was as loud as the singer’s voice, despite its stifling true silence. I imagine it is very similar to how people might deal with the hurt of abuse. Perhaps this video will prompt some beginning form of healing from trauma for some, or maybe it won’t even be understood. But in either case, it would be wise that readers understand what the conflicts and struggles are in order to redefine any form of intimacy in a relationship. Unhealed trauma always surfaces in one’s closest relationships. It should begin there. Both videos (Tool’s and Tori Amos) find ways of demonstrating the conflicts and struggles that will be part of the healing process. Regardless, the deeper truth is that the legs need to be reconnected to the body... this means telling the truth about who one truly is, what their needs are, finding soul evolving solutions, and to be willing to openly share one’s life with their partner on many levels: mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical. It is healing one another.
I played Tool’s video only once. But strangely, it kept replaying itself over and over in my head. Slowly all my thought floated away as I felt a tingling inside of me. My chest felt heavy and the tightness in my throat expanded. Emotionless tears streamed down my face. So if your blog was intended to rouse some illicit thoughts of some event, then I suppose you accomplished this as a cleverly crafted blog piece expressed through your poem and Tool’s video.
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